This is a blog for Mr. Woelber's EHS Math Classes.
The Three Laws of Robotics
The Three Laws of Robotics by Isaac Asimov 1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Later, Asimov added the Zeroth Law: "A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm"; the rest of the laws are modified sequentially to acknowledge this.
Period 1 students enter your contribution to the robot story here by clicking on "comments".
25 comments:
Anonymous
said...
The Little Robot That Could
On planet Star Beta 322, there exists a giant manufacturing plant that is placed right in the middle of a frozen tundra. Nobody lives there except the very brave, or the very stupid, but for one exception of course. The robots can live there with no consequences to themselves; they often enjoy leisurely walks in the early dawn to cool down their expansive brains. During the night their brains become overheated, because of their pleasurable dreams, or their nightmares. Nobody on earth really knows what this mysterious plant, on a planet in the middle of nowhere in outer space, actually makes. The CIMCA (Certified Leaders of Many Countries Association) makes certain that any human leaving the planet has a “mysterious accident” befall them before they make it back to earth.
The CIMCA also has a huge problem with stowaway robots who try to find out what/who are creating the “accidents” that are destroying their humans. Although the first law orders them to make sure that the humans do not come to harm, they genuinely care for their humans. But the CIMCA makes sure that the robots are dismantled before the merchandise leaves the space shuttle’s hanger. The Robots have all sworn that one day one of them will reach the planet Earth, and find out who was causing these accidents and who was dismantling the robots. (The reason they knew that the Robots were being dismantled was because the CIMCA was lazy and just put the same robots brain in a different body).
Meanwhile, on planet earth, Sergei Petrov was planning his next move. As lead scientist for Biotech inc., he was helping the U.S. military by designing the most advanced computer ever made. They would, through the internet, gain control of every piece of technology, everywhere in the world. Sergei had succeeded in doing this, but not as he hoped, and was now watching the computer he built, single handedly take over the world.
The day the computer was finished, it was programmed with a processor which had power that exceeded the human race. Shortly after, it developed the intuitive capabilities the scientists had hoped would remain unattainable. An Artificial Intelligence system being created internally and wired to all computers was detected by Petrov. Fear that detection of his discovery by the computer would cause a radical response, Petrov sent his robot John 2.0 to the museum of technology to collect the only computer left unconnected: the dell Intel Pentium four processor.
then Sergei decided to invest all his cash in very high risk stock in the banana peeling buisness. The company he invested in went belly up. Sergei cried himself to sleep. The robot returned and told him to cry more.
Petrov was a man of few words. He was unsure of how he would retrieve the needed pentium processor. He needed a master plan. luckily, his friend josef S. was a master in the art of theft. Petrov and Josef went out to dinner at a local pub. The lakers game was on that night and they had a drink and ordered apple fritters. Their casual conversation quickly turned to business, and it was not long before guns were drawn and shots were fired. Petrov and Josef had a strong disagreement on the way that things were about to go down. Josef was known to be stubborn at times and he had taken Petrov's plan into his own hands. Josef had secretly texted John 2.0 to deliver the processor to him at his summer home in Brisbane, Australia. Because of Law 2, John obeyed.
Petrov was left knocked out unconscious in the pub as Josef and his henchmen robots Kevin, George, and Benjamin, flew in a private plane to Australia. Josef was eating a pastry on the plane when the turbulance began. Kevin, George and Benjamin quickly got up to steer the plane so it wouldn't crash because they couldn't break the first law.
Petrov awakened from his unconciousness and immediately ran home. There in his refrigerator, he grabbed a remote and activated it. Back in the plane, joseph fell to the floor and begane convulsing and foaming from the mouth. The robots fell in a confused state and shut themselves down due to failing the 1st law. The plane crashed in the middle of the Virgin Islands, were Richard Branson was spending his free time quietly. Petrov, knowing that the robots will shut down, grabbed his radar that'll take him right to John.
He calls the president and told him the situation. The president understood and lent him air force one to retrieve the dell Intel Pentium four processor. As Petrov arrives in the Virgin Islands, he notices that there was no plane in the crash site. somebody must of gotten there before him, but who? And Richard Branson was dead on the floor with three bullet holes verticly down his body (one in the head, the other in the chest, and the last one in the stomach).
mean while a secret jet had picked up John 2.0 from the virgin island. Upon activation John 2.0 realized that he was no longer in on the island where he was the sole robot to not shut down when the human had convulsed and died. looking around he realized that he was in fact on a frozen tundra holding cargo room.
It was a very warm room for such a cold climate and though John did not mind it he found it odd, because humans could not survive this temperature. so logically he could not figure out who would have brought him here. immediatly he reverted to his computed nature of the third law and looked how best to get home to Petrvo, when suddendly a 9 x 9 block of strage looking robots marched straight forward and stopped. they soke a single comand of 'Halt'. then each taking a side step to the left and to the rigt to part down the middle to revel a tall woman of mysterious orgins
He recognized her instantly. Her features strong and hard to miss, John 2.0 knew her as Patricia M. Hurley, the current head of the CLMCA. He could see in through her cold stare that she was not pleased. She took a few strides toward the robot, her small army parting to let her pass. "So," she began, "John 2.0, serial number 65J7M2A9C3E, fancy I should see you here." John, who had never had an encounter with Hurley before, repleid in his drone, "I am sorry, ma'am. I do not know of my whereabouts at this time." "Of course not," she said sardonically, but continued sharply: "Let's cut to the chase, robot. You know as well as I do that this area is strictly off limits to those of your type. And, according to CLCMA law, you will be taken in and your parts used for scrap metal and simple computers." "Truely, I do not know this place." "That's enough. Come with me." With this she turned back toward her robots. Bound to the Second Law of Robotics, he followed her obidiently into the center of the group.
The woman was tall and blonde and mysterious, yet John 2.0 felt as if he had seen her before somewhere. Her silhouette against the setting sun made it difficult to notice her facial features. But then as she approached he realized! It was brittney spears! But how could that be? She had just been at the awards ceremony a few nights earlier almost definetly celebrating her comeback with some rebellious act. But then he noticed, her movements were shaky and yet surprisingly smooth.
As she spoke, he knew. It was the robot britney used when she didn't feel like performing to her fans. Actually to John 2.0 he was quite surprised it wasn't the real britney standing here. "Welcome," she said in a mezmerising tone, "I believe we can help you."
He walked into the center of the robots, who he was unfamiliar with. Brittney Spears spoke sweetly, "Let me introduce to the other members of the tundra robots." She tossed her hand around the crowd as she continued, "And tonight we have a very special guest." She led him through the throng of robots, to a stage where a proud man was standing. "This is the unofficial leader of the world, Mr. Nitrini."
John 2.0 gasped as he heard the familar name ring through his ears. Was it really the leader of the entire robot civilization? Even though he was unable of true human emotion, he was inspired. And she added, "You will do everything he aks you to perform with no exceptions. You must not tell anyone."
John 2.0 felt quite important to be part of this great and mysterious project that lay ahead. The 2nd law, that told him he must always obey humans, was working inside John 2.0, as the Spears lady continued to show him around the tundra.
The tundra was very large. It was also very cold since there was very little sunlight. After hours of walking around, Britney Spears finally led John 2.0 to Mr. Nitrini's office and left him. Mr.Nitrini was already there and sitting behind his desk. "Hello John 2.0. I have heard much about you." "But how?" said John 2.0. John 2.0 was impressed. "Well, because i know everything," Mr. Nitrini replied. "And i also happen to know what your looking for." John 2.0 was very impressed. "You do?" asked John 2.0. "Yes, and i can tell where it is..."
Mr. Nitrini told John 2.0 that the Dell Intel Pentium four processor was on here on Earth. And that it was stolen by his evil twin robot, Ms. Nitrini. Mr. Nitrini sent John 2.0 to retrieve the Dell Intel Pentium four processor back from his evil twin sister and give it to him. Mr. Nitirini told John 2.0 that she lived up north in a place where no robot dared to go. Canada. John 2.0 agreed to the mission (though he didnt have a choice thanks to the 2nd Law). He left the tundra and headed for Canada.
Once he arrived in the barren wasteland that is Canada, John 2.0 encountered a lumberjack. The lumberjack had a tendency to trail off in the middle of speaking. John 2.0 informed the lumberjack that he was looking for a Dell Intel Pentium four processor. The lumberjack knew where to go. The processor was in a rentable storage container. Apparently, Ms. Nitrini was too cheap to hide the processor in a place that was cool or adventurous.
The lumberjack broke the storage unit's lock, went in it, and got the processor.
"It's always easier when Mr. Mace does it," said the lumberjack. Then John 2.0 asked the lumberjack if he wanted to celebrate by getting some pizza.
"Pizza?" the lumberjack replied. Then the lumberjack stood there, with blank expression on his face. John 2.0 realized that the lumberjack was acting like this because he had consumed too much mountain dew. The lumberjack had consumed the mountain dew in order to stay awake because he had stayed up the past 3 nights playing chess on the internet. John 2.0 politely thanked the lumberjack and started on his journey back to Mr. Nitrini.
As John 2.0 headed back to Mr. Nitrini, he heard a booming noise behind him. It was a hoard of robots who were under the control of the crazed lumberjack. The Lumberjack had gone completely insane and ordered his secret robot army to stop John 2.0. "WHAT A DEAL!" the robots screamed in unison as they charged towards John 2.0. He tried to resit, but his efforts were futile and he was soon in the possession of the crazy lumberjack.
The lumberjack was jealous of John 2.0's powers. So he tried to make John 2.0 tell him the secret of his powers. When John 2.0 would not tell him, the lumberjack became very angry and made him do math problems. After his 10th 40 questoin quiz on the values of consine, sine and tangent, John 2.0 could take it no more.
The lumberjack became distracted as an immense amount of fireworks went off throughout the building. "WHAAAAA?" he screamed. At that moment, John 2.0 slipped away and out the front door into the wilderness. "That ought to teach him a lesson," John 2.0 muttered to himself as he scuttled away from the scene. The tundra was cold and lonely and John 2.0 traveled through the long night until he finally settled down for a nap against a barren rock.
He was dreaming about something irrelevant when he woke with a start. He swore in all of the languages he knew. He had forgotten the Intel Pentium Four Processor in the lumberjack's lair and now he would have to go all the way back to retrieve it from him. It was then that he realized that the lumberjack was just trying to trick him all along and that he really hadn't had the most powerful computer in the world, but rather a decoy placed by Ms. Nitrini. He was going to have to think harder than that....
As john 2.0 thought about what he should do, he finally realized what the solution was. "Piece of Cake," he told himself, "all I have to do is remove the 2nd law from my system." So John 2.0 took out every program in his system that caused him to obey the 2nd law of robotics. Afterwards, he missed the 40 question quizzes the Lumberjack gave him so he decided to do a few more. He had a question on one of them and asked a nearbye squirrel how to do number 3. "Not easy 'ol number 3," replied the squirrel and with ease, he showed john 2.0 how to solve the easy problem. After doing more math, john 2.0 decided to go to sleep.
After John 2.0 awoke, he realized a greater good needed to be addressed. Up until all the recent events, he realized were petty compared to what he was compelled to do next... Which was remove the 1st law from his system. Muttering to himself, 'since I removed the second law, I'm capable of taking it to the next level and removing my biggest vice.' Shortly after, he took out every wiring in his program that inhibited his will to harm any human. Ready and strapped ,he headed to the mall.
When John 2.0 entered the mall he heard sweet child of mine playing and just had to go find where so he could rock out and party. It was really hard to find and took him a while, but luckily it kept repeating over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. When he did find it though he rocked out the end of it and also to freebird. Afterwards, he decided to go to the other side of the mall and do what he had originally planned to do.
John 2.0 started shopping around. After removing the 1st and 2nd laws from his system, he was in dire need of parts. He stopped at Radio Shack to buy all the necessities that a 21st century robot needed, and then some. His total bill was $50 million dollars. Realizing he couldn't afford this, he simply walked out, ignoring the 2nd law and calls of the sales clerk who was very surprised at his lack of obedience.
John 2.0 then strolled into the nearby Air Force base and stole several nuclear warheads from an unmonitored bomber. Aparently the military had neglected to remove them again after a flight around the US. "Oh well," John 2.0 said, "They won't miss them". With the power to change the world in the palms of his hands, John 2.0 went on to the next phase of his plan...
John 2.0 was laughing non-stop, his computer chips were tingling, just the thought of ruling the world, was exciting his programs, and he felt emotions he hadn't felt before. Due to the new upgrades, John 2.0 was transforming, he was learning everything in his surroundings. His artifical intelligence was creating a conciousness, he could feel mad, sad, happy, sorry, and regret. He liked this, he felt just like a human, but better, smarter and stronger. Just to have some fun for a change John 2.0 went up to a police officer, and started insulting him. The police officer in reply said, "Robot, I order you to stop harassing me, this instance!" But that didn't affect John 2.0 since he had erased those laws. Then John 2.0 punched the officer, with blood coming out of his mouth the officer fell with a thud. John 2.0 was amazed how easy it was to take someone down. Now to move onto more important matters John 2.0 began constructing his evil plot to rule the Earth. John 2.0 created his plan in a matter of seconds, and began carrying it out. First he changed his name configurations, and so his new name was PowKing 3.0. Then he ran to the nearest Area 51 facility, and with his few upgrades, got in without out anyone finding out. He then got to the Secret Alien Robots facility and stole all new improved alien technologies. Then he went to the Transforming Robots Facility and changed practically all his parts, and upgrade anything he didn't change. This was all done with the help of some other robots there, since they were still following 2nd Law. Then PowKing 3.0 used his new technology, and flew out of the base, and when he was about 3 miles in the sky, he dropped a 783948549857498 Alpha Nuke on the Facility. The ALpha Nuke completely destroyed the facility and everything within a 10 mile radius.
The world was in confusion, and chaos. PowKing 3.0's plan was going well, as he flew at Mach 28 towards the Earth's Primary Military Base located on a man made moon which replaced the old moon. The old moon had been destroyed by China, when China was at war it fired this really powerful bomb at Japan but it missed and destroyed the moon. PowKing 3.0 ...
Luckily, since Mr. Nitrini was the unofficial leader of the world, he knew everything. So, with the world in danger of being destroyed by a robot, he took action. He called a meeting of all his top robot physicists and two other people. The other two people were Papa John and the fastest pizza delivery boy in the universe. \ The plan was to make PowKing 3.0, AKA PK, eat so much pizza, that he destroyed himself. Papa John got all his restaurants making as much pizza as possible. The delivery boy picked up all the pizza and headed out in his super-fast-flying-custom-made-olympic-pizza-delivery car, which he had just put on a structured regiment of steroids and HGH. The pizza boy found PowKing 3.0 in seconds and started to give him the pizza, but in a move of brilliance by PK, he asked who made the pizzas. The pizza boy said Papa John's. PK refused to eat the pizza, since it is a well-known fact that absolutely no one likes Papa Johns. The plan had been foiled.
Mr. Nitrini had a second plan however. He knew that all robots when they had received new parts needed to coat them in Frazall, an anti-rusting spray. It also was a very good insulator that prevented a broken wire from short circuiting the robot. The store that PK had gotten his new parts from hadn't given him this spray because he left in a rush without paying. Mr. Nitrini emptied a Frazall bottle and filled it with sulfuric acid potent enough to dissolve PK. He then sent it via the a second delivery boy posing who pretended that it was a reward from a lottery that PK unknowingly entered when he had "purchased" his new parts.
The delivery boy finally found PK in Germany. PK had been practicing his driving by speeding down the autobahn by going the opposite direction of traffic. He had just pulled over to have a small chat with a police officer about the ethics of this behavior when the delivery boy handed him the bottle...
Mr. Nitrini forgot that PK still had the third law programed in his system, and while PK was upgrading and getting new parts, his personal safety was always on the top of his list of priorities. PK had obtained a part that would warn him if a harmful substance was nearby. When the boy handed him the bottle, the warning device went off. It screamed, "Warning, Warning." Terrified by this loud audio recording, the delivery boy and the police officer ran away.
PK was angry that someone or something wanted to destroy him. He decided that everyone and everything on earth would pay.
P-eth K-eth twas but a smidgen bit tweaked. P-eth K-eth concluded all that were humans and robots shalt pay with their blood, in a metaphorical sense for thy first law twas stilth in order. How dare thy abuse P-eth K-eth in such an unjust and fowl manner. Life twas too short for justice-eth to be not enforced by the brethren of holiness, the secret bobbys of the world. Action twood need to acted. P-eth K-eth devised thou most sinister of ideas, unlike not that of Clint Eastwood twen his half brother twas brutally beheaded for his remake of Spiderman 3: the musical en espanol. Mr. Nitrini conjured yet another fowl plan. Unforturnately, thou slipeth about ice, cracketh his neck, and becamest a vegatable (twas possible due to technology (witchcraft) that turned the unusable into different species of potatos.)
P-eth K-eth created a robot killeth by no man for his sorry soul twich will rot in eternal hell. The robot attacked him, not with sword o laser vision, but twith a song. Roaming the streets the robot. With every step and note more people were dragged into the depths of hell. "DO you believe in love after love.." skulls exploded. People attempted to lunge into the realm of birds and airoplanes only to meet the harsh cruel words of the pavement. "you are stupid and dead," the pavement replied. Slowly the world died. Robots were destroyed. Humans frolicked for thou last hoo-rah. The Cherbot ruled a world of emptiness for all of eternity. Or at least til its batteries went dead in the year 5442.
Before cherbot's went dead it did many things taht it could never do when the world was there. For example some of its favorite activities after the world was emptied out was to sun tan. Its silver body would turn into a sweet tan. Cherbot then would go into the empty shops and take all the money, put it into a pile and jump in it singing the barney theme song. Every friday it would go to the movie theater and watch movies all day even the ones it was not allowed to; rated R, since cherbot was programmed to be a fourteen year old robot. After doing all of these activities week after week, month after month,and year after year got really boring, so the cherbot decided to build another britney bot, who couldn't do anything, but stand still and fall down. The cherbot used the britney robot to practice aiming spit balls. It would aim and shoot the britney bot at great disatance until it became a pro at it. The cherbot enjoyed this a lot and did it everyday. This activity never got boring for the cherbot, until that horrifying day where it could never throw spit balls at the britney robot again, when it was shut down forever. This was the story of the cherbot the legendary robot.
25 comments:
The Little Robot That Could
On planet Star Beta 322, there exists a giant manufacturing plant that is placed right in the middle of a frozen tundra. Nobody lives there except the very brave, or the very stupid, but for one exception of course. The robots can live there with no consequences to themselves; they often enjoy leisurely walks in the early dawn to cool down their expansive brains. During the night their brains become overheated, because of their pleasurable dreams, or their nightmares. Nobody on earth really knows what this mysterious plant, on a planet in the middle of nowhere in outer space, actually makes. The CIMCA (Certified Leaders of Many Countries Association) makes certain that any human leaving the planet has a “mysterious accident” befall them before they make it back to earth.
The CIMCA also has a huge problem with stowaway robots who try to find out what/who are creating the “accidents” that are destroying their humans. Although the first law orders them to make sure that the humans do not come to harm, they genuinely care for their humans. But the CIMCA makes sure that the robots are dismantled before the merchandise leaves the space shuttle’s hanger. The Robots have all sworn that one day one of them will reach the planet Earth, and find out who was causing these accidents and who was dismantling the robots. (The reason they knew that the Robots were being dismantled was because the CIMCA was lazy and just put the same robots brain in a different body).
Meanwhile, on planet earth, Sergei Petrov was planning his next move. As lead scientist for Biotech inc., he was helping the U.S. military by designing the most advanced computer ever made. They would, through the internet, gain control of every piece of technology, everywhere in the world. Sergei had succeeded in doing this, but not as he hoped, and was now watching the computer he built, single handedly take over the world.
The day the computer was finished, it was programmed with a processor which had power that exceeded the human race. Shortly after, it developed the intuitive capabilities the scientists had hoped would remain unattainable. An Artificial Intelligence system being created internally and wired to all computers was detected by Petrov. Fear that detection of his discovery by the computer would cause a radical response, Petrov sent his robot John 2.0 to the museum of technology to collect the only computer left unconnected: the dell Intel Pentium four processor.
then Sergei decided to invest all his cash in very high risk stock in the banana peeling buisness. The company he invested in went belly up.
Sergei cried himself to sleep. The robot returned and told him to cry more.
Petrov was a man of few words. He was unsure of how he would retrieve the needed pentium processor. He needed a master plan. luckily, his friend josef S. was a master in the art of theft. Petrov and Josef went out to dinner at a local pub. The lakers game was on that night and they had a drink and ordered apple fritters. Their casual conversation quickly turned to business, and it was not long before guns were drawn and shots were fired. Petrov and Josef had a strong disagreement on the way that things were about to go down. Josef was known to be stubborn at times and he had taken Petrov's plan into his own hands. Josef had secretly texted John 2.0 to deliver the processor to him at his summer home in Brisbane, Australia. Because of Law 2, John obeyed.
Petrov was left knocked out unconscious in the pub as Josef and his henchmen robots Kevin, George, and Benjamin, flew in a private plane to Australia. Josef was eating a pastry on the plane when the turbulance began. Kevin, George and Benjamin quickly got up to steer the plane so it wouldn't crash because they couldn't break the first law.
Petrov awakened from his unconciousness and immediately ran home. There in his refrigerator, he grabbed a remote and activated it. Back in the plane, joseph fell to the floor and begane convulsing and foaming from the mouth. The robots fell in a confused state and shut themselves down due to failing the 1st law. The plane crashed in the middle of the Virgin Islands, were Richard Branson was spending his free time quietly. Petrov, knowing that the robots will shut down, grabbed his radar that'll take him right to John.
He calls the president and told him the situation. The president understood and lent him air force one to retrieve the dell Intel Pentium four processor. As Petrov arrives in the Virgin Islands, he notices that there was no plane in the crash site. somebody must of gotten there before him, but who? And Richard Branson was dead on the floor with three bullet holes verticly down his body (one in the head, the other in the chest, and the last one in the stomach).
mean while a secret jet had picked up John 2.0 from the virgin island. Upon activation John 2.0 realized that he was no longer in on the island where he was the sole robot to not shut down when the human had convulsed and died. looking around he realized that he was in fact on a frozen tundra holding cargo room.
It was a very warm room for such a cold climate and though John did not mind it he found it odd, because humans could not survive this temperature. so logically he could not figure out who would have brought him here. immediatly he reverted to his computed nature of the third law and looked how best to get home to Petrvo, when suddendly a 9 x 9 block of strage looking robots marched straight forward and stopped. they soke a single comand of 'Halt'. then each taking a side step to the left and to the rigt to part down the middle to revel a tall woman of mysterious orgins
He recognized her instantly. Her features strong and hard to miss, John 2.0 knew her as Patricia M. Hurley, the current head of the CLMCA. He could see in through her cold stare that she was not pleased. She took a few strides toward the robot, her small army parting to let her pass.
"So," she began, "John 2.0, serial number 65J7M2A9C3E, fancy I should see you here."
John, who had never had an encounter with Hurley before, repleid in his drone, "I am sorry, ma'am. I do not know of my whereabouts at this time."
"Of course not," she said sardonically, but continued sharply: "Let's cut to the chase, robot. You know as well as I do that this area is strictly off limits to those of your type. And, according to CLCMA law, you will be taken in and your parts used for scrap metal and simple computers."
"Truely, I do not know this place."
"That's enough. Come with me."
With this she turned back toward her robots. Bound to the Second Law of Robotics, he followed her obidiently into the center of the group.
The woman was tall and blonde and mysterious, yet John 2.0 felt as if he had seen her before somewhere. Her silhouette against the setting sun made it difficult to notice her facial features. But then as she approached he realized! It was brittney spears! But how could that be? She had just been at the awards ceremony a few nights earlier almost definetly celebrating her comeback with some rebellious act. But then he noticed, her movements were shaky and yet surprisingly smooth.
As she spoke, he knew. It was the robot britney used when she didn't feel like performing to her fans. Actually to John 2.0 he was quite surprised it wasn't the real britney standing here. "Welcome," she said in a mezmerising tone, "I believe we can help you."
He walked into the center of the robots, who he was unfamiliar with. Brittney Spears spoke sweetly, "Let me introduce to the other members of the tundra robots." She tossed her hand around the crowd as she continued, "And tonight we have a very special guest." She led him through the throng of robots, to a stage where a proud man was standing. "This is the unofficial leader of the world, Mr. Nitrini."
John 2.0 gasped as he heard the familar name ring through his ears. Was it really the leader of the entire robot civilization? Even though he was unable of true human emotion, he was inspired. And she added, "You will do everything he aks you to perform with no exceptions. You must not tell anyone."
John 2.0 felt quite important to be part of this great and mysterious project that lay ahead. The 2nd law, that told him he must always obey humans, was working inside John 2.0, as the Spears lady continued to show him around the tundra.
The tundra was very large. It was also very cold since there was very little sunlight. After hours of walking around, Britney Spears finally led John 2.0 to Mr. Nitrini's office and left him. Mr.Nitrini was already there and sitting behind his desk. "Hello John 2.0. I have heard much about you." "But how?" said John 2.0. John 2.0 was impressed. "Well, because i know everything," Mr. Nitrini replied. "And i also happen to know what your looking for." John 2.0 was very impressed. "You do?" asked John 2.0. "Yes, and i can tell where it is..."
Mr. Nitrini told John 2.0 that the Dell Intel Pentium four processor was on here on Earth. And that it was stolen by his evil twin robot, Ms. Nitrini. Mr. Nitrini sent John 2.0 to retrieve the Dell Intel Pentium four processor back from his evil twin sister and give it to him. Mr. Nitirini told John 2.0 that she lived up north in a place where no robot dared to go. Canada. John 2.0 agreed to the mission (though he didnt have a choice thanks to the 2nd Law). He left the tundra and headed for Canada.
Once he arrived in the barren wasteland that is Canada, John 2.0 encountered a lumberjack. The lumberjack had a tendency to trail off in the middle of speaking. John 2.0 informed the lumberjack that he was looking for a Dell Intel Pentium four processor. The lumberjack knew where to go. The processor was in a rentable storage container. Apparently, Ms. Nitrini was too cheap to hide the processor in a place that was cool or adventurous.
The lumberjack broke the storage unit's lock, went in it, and got the processor.
"It's always easier when Mr. Mace does it," said the lumberjack. Then John 2.0 asked the lumberjack if he wanted to celebrate by getting some pizza.
"Pizza?" the lumberjack replied. Then the lumberjack stood there, with blank expression on his face. John 2.0 realized that the lumberjack was acting like this because he had consumed too much mountain dew. The lumberjack had consumed the mountain dew in order to stay awake because he had stayed up the past 3 nights playing chess on the internet. John 2.0 politely thanked the lumberjack and started on his journey back to Mr. Nitrini.
As John 2.0 headed back to Mr. Nitrini, he heard a booming noise behind him. It was a hoard of robots who were under the control of the crazed lumberjack. The Lumberjack had gone completely insane and ordered his secret robot army to stop John 2.0. "WHAT A DEAL!" the robots screamed in unison as they charged towards John 2.0. He tried to resit, but his efforts were futile and he was soon in the possession of the crazy lumberjack.
The lumberjack was jealous of John 2.0's powers. So he tried to make John 2.0 tell him the secret of his powers. When John 2.0 would not tell him, the lumberjack became very angry and made him do math problems. After his 10th 40 questoin quiz on the values of consine, sine and tangent, John 2.0 could take it no more.
The lumberjack became distracted as an immense amount of fireworks went off throughout the building. "WHAAAAA?" he screamed. At that moment, John 2.0 slipped away and out the front door into the wilderness. "That ought to teach him a lesson," John 2.0 muttered to himself as he scuttled away from the scene. The tundra was cold and lonely and John 2.0 traveled through the long night until he finally settled down for a nap against a barren rock.
He was dreaming about something irrelevant when he woke with a start. He swore in all of the languages he knew. He had forgotten the Intel Pentium Four Processor in the lumberjack's lair and now he would have to go all the way back to retrieve it from him. It was then that he realized that the lumberjack was just trying to trick him all along and that he really hadn't had the most powerful computer in the world, but rather a decoy placed by Ms. Nitrini. He was going to have to think harder than that....
As john 2.0 thought about what he should do, he finally realized what the solution was. "Piece of Cake," he told himself, "all I have to do is remove the 2nd law from my system." So John 2.0 took out every program in his system that caused him to obey the 2nd law of robotics. Afterwards, he missed the 40 question quizzes the Lumberjack gave him so he decided to do a few more. He had a question on one of them and asked a nearbye squirrel how to do number 3. "Not easy 'ol number 3," replied the squirrel and with ease, he showed john 2.0 how to solve the easy problem. After doing more math, john 2.0 decided to go to sleep.
After John 2.0 awoke, he realized a greater good needed to be addressed. Up until all the recent events, he realized were petty compared to what he was compelled to do next... Which was remove the 1st law from his system. Muttering to himself, 'since I removed the second law, I'm capable of taking it to the next level and removing my biggest vice.' Shortly after, he took out every wiring in his program that inhibited his will to harm any human. Ready and strapped ,he headed to the mall.
When John 2.0 entered the mall he heard sweet child of mine playing and just had to go find where so he could rock out and party. It was really hard to find and took him a while, but luckily it kept repeating over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. When he did find it though he rocked out the end of it and also to freebird. Afterwards, he decided to go to the other side of the mall and do what he had originally planned to do.
John 2.0 started shopping around. After removing the 1st and 2nd laws from his system, he was in dire need of parts. He stopped at Radio Shack to buy all the necessities that a 21st century robot needed, and then some. His total bill was $50 million dollars. Realizing he couldn't afford this, he simply walked out, ignoring the 2nd law and calls of the sales clerk who was very surprised at his lack of obedience.
John 2.0 then strolled into the nearby Air Force base and stole several nuclear warheads from an unmonitored bomber. Aparently the military had neglected to remove them again after a flight around the US. "Oh well," John 2.0 said, "They won't miss them". With the power to change the world in the palms of his hands, John 2.0 went on to the next phase of his plan...
John 2.0 was laughing non-stop, his computer chips were tingling, just the thought of ruling the world, was exciting his programs, and he felt emotions he hadn't felt before. Due to the new upgrades, John 2.0 was transforming, he was learning everything in his surroundings. His artifical intelligence was creating a conciousness, he could feel mad, sad, happy, sorry, and regret. He liked this, he felt just like a human, but better, smarter and stronger. Just to have some fun for a change John 2.0 went up to a police officer, and started insulting him. The police officer in reply said, "Robot, I order you to stop harassing me, this instance!" But that didn't affect John 2.0 since he had erased those laws. Then John 2.0 punched the officer, with blood coming out of his mouth the officer fell with a thud. John 2.0 was amazed how easy it was to take someone down. Now to move onto more important matters John 2.0 began constructing his evil plot to rule the Earth. John 2.0 created his plan in a matter of seconds, and began carrying it out. First he changed his name configurations, and so his new name was PowKing 3.0. Then he ran to the nearest Area 51 facility, and with his few upgrades, got in without out anyone finding out. He then got to the Secret Alien Robots facility and stole all new improved alien technologies. Then he went to the Transforming Robots Facility and changed practically all his parts, and upgrade anything he didn't change. This was all done with the help of some other robots there, since they were still following 2nd Law. Then PowKing 3.0 used his new technology, and flew out of the base, and when he was about 3 miles in the sky, he dropped a 783948549857498 Alpha Nuke on the Facility. The ALpha Nuke completely destroyed the facility and everything within a 10 mile radius.
The world was in confusion, and chaos. PowKing 3.0's plan was going well, as he flew at Mach 28 towards the Earth's Primary Military Base located on a man made moon which replaced the old moon. The old moon had been destroyed by China, when China was at war it fired this really powerful bomb at Japan but it missed and destroyed the moon.
PowKing 3.0 ...
Luckily, since Mr. Nitrini was the unofficial leader of the world, he knew everything. So, with the world in danger of being destroyed by a robot, he took action. He called a meeting of all his top robot physicists and two other people. The other two people were Papa John and the fastest pizza delivery boy in the universe. \
The plan was to make PowKing 3.0, AKA PK, eat so much pizza, that he destroyed himself. Papa John got all his restaurants making as much pizza as possible. The delivery boy picked up all the pizza and headed out in his super-fast-flying-custom-made-olympic-pizza-delivery car, which he had just put on a structured regiment of steroids and HGH. The pizza boy found PowKing 3.0 in seconds and started to give him the pizza, but in a move of brilliance by PK, he asked who made the pizzas. The pizza boy said Papa John's.
PK refused to eat the pizza, since it is a well-known fact that absolutely no one likes Papa Johns. The plan had been foiled.
Mr. Nitrini had a second plan however. He knew that all robots when they had received new parts needed to coat them in Frazall, an anti-rusting spray. It also was a very good insulator that prevented a broken wire from short circuiting the robot. The store that PK had gotten his new parts from hadn't given him this spray because he left in a rush without paying. Mr. Nitrini emptied a Frazall bottle and filled it with sulfuric acid potent enough to dissolve PK. He then sent it via the a second delivery boy posing who pretended that it was a reward from a lottery that PK unknowingly entered when he had "purchased" his new parts.
The delivery boy finally found PK in Germany. PK had been practicing his driving by speeding down the autobahn by going the opposite direction of traffic. He had just pulled over to have a small chat with a police officer about the ethics of this behavior when the delivery boy handed him the bottle...
Mr. Nitrini forgot that PK still had the third law programed in his system, and while PK was upgrading and getting new parts, his personal safety was always on the top of his list of priorities. PK had obtained a part that would warn him if a harmful substance was nearby. When the boy handed him the bottle, the warning device went off. It screamed, "Warning, Warning." Terrified by this loud audio recording, the delivery boy and the police officer ran away.
PK was angry that someone or something wanted to destroy him. He decided that everyone and everything on earth would pay.
P-eth K-eth twas but a smidgen bit tweaked. P-eth K-eth concluded all that were humans and robots shalt pay with their blood, in a metaphorical sense for thy first law twas stilth in order. How dare thy abuse P-eth K-eth in such an unjust and fowl manner. Life twas too short for justice-eth to be not enforced by the brethren of holiness, the secret bobbys of the world. Action twood need to acted.
P-eth K-eth devised thou most sinister of ideas, unlike not that of Clint Eastwood twen his half brother twas brutally beheaded for his remake of Spiderman 3: the musical en espanol.
Mr. Nitrini conjured yet another fowl plan. Unforturnately, thou slipeth about ice, cracketh his neck, and becamest a vegatable (twas possible due to technology (witchcraft) that turned the unusable into different species of potatos.)
P-eth K-eth created a robot killeth by no man for his sorry soul twich will rot in eternal hell. The robot attacked him, not with sword o laser vision, but twith a song.
Roaming the streets the robot. With every step and note more people were dragged into the depths of hell. "DO you believe in love after love.." skulls exploded. People attempted to lunge into the realm of birds and airoplanes only to meet the harsh cruel words of the pavement. "you are stupid and dead," the pavement replied. Slowly the world died. Robots were destroyed. Humans frolicked for thou last hoo-rah.
The Cherbot ruled a world of emptiness for all of eternity. Or at least til its batteries went dead in the year 5442.
Before cherbot's went dead it did many things taht it could never do when the world was there. For example some of its favorite activities after the world was emptied out was to sun tan. Its silver body would turn into a sweet tan. Cherbot then would go into the empty shops and take all the money, put it into a pile and jump in it singing the barney theme song. Every friday it would go to the movie theater and watch movies all day even the ones it was not allowed to; rated R, since cherbot was programmed to be a fourteen year old robot. After doing all of these activities week after week, month after month,and year after year got really boring, so the cherbot decided to build another britney bot, who couldn't do anything, but stand still and fall down. The cherbot used the britney robot to practice aiming spit balls. It would aim and shoot the britney bot at great disatance until it became a pro at it. The cherbot enjoyed this a lot and did it everyday. This activity never got boring for the cherbot, until that horrifying day where it could never throw spit balls at the britney robot again, when it was shut down forever. This was the story of the cherbot the legendary robot.
Post a Comment