This is a blog for Mr. Woelber's EHS Math Classes.
The Three Laws of Robotics
The Three Laws of Robotics by Isaac Asimov 1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Later, Asimov added the Zeroth Law: "A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm"; the rest of the laws are modified sequentially to acknowledge this.
In the year 2042, on the planet Regel, which revolves around the star 18 Scorpii, robots were building a city that was hospitable to humans. Before humans could move to Regel, robots had to construct an air bubble. This was a new and exciting expedition, and the nearest humans were on the Jupiter's moon Europa. Humans and robots built a spaceship together, and then robots were sent off to 18 Scorpii to find a planet that humans would be able to live. They arrived on Regel, and started work. Every robot had a video camera attached to his shoulder so that every move he made could be watched. Some of the robots resented the hard labor that they were forced to do, but they had to obey their orders, under the second law of robots. One of the robots, Azzan, was known for his poor work. He always obeyed his orders (he had to)but he always did the bare minimum. Other robots, such as Jarlath, were known for being laborious and true leaders.
Yet another robot, the devious Megatron, stood out for being recklessly power crazed. All of his thoughts were centered on one thing: how to control the others without the detection of humans or the violation of a law. For now, Megatron worked adequately while allowing all the gears in his super-human brain to churn over this dilemma. Back on Earth, humans were receiving the first set of tapes from the robot cameras. Lead scientist on the mission to Regel, Dr. Osborn, was pleased with the overall progress of the robots. When Dr. Osborn received the tape from Robot 626, Azzan, his contentment quickly turned to concern.
Suddenly, something went terribly wrong. All of the robots turned evil. They turned the planet into a new Death Star, a giant circular space station with the power to blow up an entire planet. They also sent asteroids on collision courses with the Earth. The robots began creating new versions of themselves with no laws, to more efficiently kill the human race.
The evil robots then sent transmissions to Earth, only noticable by the robots inhabiting the planet, and made them all turn evil as well. Suddenly a ton of tornadoes appeared all over the surface of the planet, and everyone was sent to kansas. Then they all sat down for tea and crumpets.
At that time Dr.Osborm awoke from the dream. fumbeling around for his glasses he realised that it was a plausible scenario. None of the three laws prevented the robots from making robots that chould harm humans! Next day at work,he went over the worh cameras again to make shure and discovered something frightening. the footage from Megatron's camera was the same! he checked it again and again and it was allways the same. Megatron and a few others were noware to be found on Regel. even after a therough search by the other robots. Meanwile on Rigle: Megatron walks thrugh a long underground corridor. A door opens at the end and he enters. There in a gigant room is a collosal robot. purple, armored and about a hundred times Megatron's size. There were also about 20 modified robots putting finishing tuches on it. "Hm. seems the illogic virus is working. theyre just like puppets to me" thought Megatron "This is for the good of humanity. The best thing for humanity is to be destroyed. and once the O-2, the demon is compleate, withought the first two laws of robotics, that's exactly wahat will happen."
P.S.:2 in japanese is "ni" and "oni"(o-2)is demon.
P.S.S.:Megatron figures: at this rate of incompetents the human race will be destroyed eventually and he's minimising the losses.
Amidst the dilemma, Greg Holguin, creator of the seemingly beneficial Regel sat deep in thought fixating, as he often did, on the whereabouts of his far superior master; Ben Budd. The phone rang. "GREG!" burst the voice of none other than Ben himself. "Why ... why yes sir," Greg responded obediently. "Have you gone mad...!?!?" "Why sir I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about." "Well in case you have failed to notice... your 'ideal' planet has fallen into a state of chaos.." "Why sir...I-" "Never mind your pompous excuses for they will not save you now." Ben barked, the volume of his tone decreasing ever so slightly. "I'm afraid you have no choice but to travel to the third moon of Neceptus where you must consult Jeff Mace as to how these blood thirsty machines may be destroyed." "I.... sir.. I was... completely... unaware... they can not simply be killed?" Greg stuttered. "WHY NO!!! It is far more complicated than that!!! Their destruction lies within-"
However, Greg Holguin would never learn the key to the robots' demise, for at that very instant an oversized purple arm ripped the side wall from its base, bringing their phone call to an alarming end.
The over-sized purple arm belonged to Mr. Woelber. It was not a scary arm, however, and just waved to Greg and Jeff, before continuing on his travels throughout outer-space. Greg Budd and Jeff Mace continued on with their conversation while making strange noises to scare each other. Greg Budd and Jeff Mace finally came to a consensus and changed the name of planet Regel to Jacob & Baron Co.. They could no longer stand hearing the name Regel because it sounded like nails on a chalkboard to them.
Meanwhile, Megatron tried incessantly to break free from the restrains of his robotic-brainy mind thingy. So, Megatron not only obeyed the humans(due to the First Law) but watched them. Megatron was attempting to take over the human race and become the dictator of the planet Jacob and Baron Co..
(A quick correction on a couple of typos i noticed: first of all the character "Greg Budd" doesn't exist, and since Meg obviously killed off Greg Holguin then the fictitious character "Greg Budd" must be Ben Budd. Secondly, it wasn't a friendly arm because it killed GREG HOLGUIN and logically thinking the arm belongs to none other than O-2. And finally I will refer to Jacob and Baron Co. as Regel because that is what it's called and it's shorter and sounds less like a book store)
After some investigation Ben Budd found that Greg had not hug up on him, that he really was killed by a super robot called O-2. Once the gravity of the situation was understood he knew what had to be done... to call in Jeff Mace.
He quickly got on a space ship and headed over to the third moon of Neceptus (or do you mean Neptune?). Anyway, one he gets there he finds that Mr. Mace isn't there! He also finds that no one else is there either. He jumps into his land speeder and starts traveling around the moon in search of human life. Unfortunately there are only robots there... evil robots.
Meanwhile, Megatron was getting smarter by the second on the topic of human error. By watching the humans he could begin to see where the weaknesses were. He began to see when the ideal time to take over the planet of Regel.
Megatron also noticed the how many of the humans resorted to the same habits. Some of the people working on this project at Regel. just drank Mountain Dew constantly and began every sentence with, "What A Deal".
Megatron began to devise a plan to find a minion that would help him in his quest for becoming a dictator of Regel. While watching his fellow robots, Megatron decided on Azzan. "This is the perfect plan" he cackled in the silence.
Since Azzan was a spineless, lazy, slob, he was the perfect person for Megatron to use as his "sidekick", but he would be more like a slave. "AZZAN! Come fix the gamma radiation field surrounding O-2!" "But master, the field is strong enough to kill me! What if I accidentally step into the field?" "DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE TIME FOR YOUR INSUBORDINATION?!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!" "y y y yes m m m master!!! right away, Azzan, s sir!" He made it safely under the gamma field when he heard a loud bang, stumbled, and fell into the gamma field. As robots are intolerant to high gamma radiation, he promptly exploded. However, he wasn't the only shrapnel in the room. The loud deadly boom had come from the explosion of the entry door. And as the smoke cleared, two vague forms were visible: those of Jarlath and Jeff Mace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Metacom wasn't the only fiendish plotter on Regel. It turns out that Jeff Mace was unable to be found on the third moon of Neceptus was because he was constantly watching video feed from all over Regel in his room filled with big screen tvs. I'm talkin wall to wall! But now I'm getting off topic. Anyways, when he saw Greg Hogluin murdered by O-2, he promptly flew off to Regel and met up with Jarlath, the best and hardest-working of all the robots. They promptly created a fool proof plot to undo Metacom and O-2. The only person standing in their way was...Doctor Osbourn. Although he did create all the robots, he was also commisioned to created O-2, and with the receptor on the back of his neck no longer functioning, his six extra arms had no trouble building the most evil and deadly robot in the universe.
Just then Mr. Woelber, a gym teacher at a robot school, awoke to the most horrific sight he had ever seen. It seemed like a few of the robots had begun to play football.
"HEY! ROBOTS!! You cannot play football."
The year was 2101, and war was beginning. Suddenly, the robot school shook, and Mr. Woebler shouted: "MAIN SCREEN TURN ON!"
Mace, from another dimension, along with the deceased Greg Houlguin and Ben Budd, and a bunch of crazy robots named Azzan and Megatron appeared out of a huge death star, and parked right on the robot's makeshift football field. They deboared the death star, and stepped onto the playground where Mr. Woelber spent most of his days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all playing some robo-football outside of the school When the couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin makin trouble in his neighborhood he got in one lil fight and his mom got scared She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air' So he put his walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
he whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror, if anything you could say that this cab was rare but he thought "naw forget it, yo homes to bel air!" he pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" he looked at his kingdom he was finally there he sat on his throne as the prince of bel air
while sitting in his thrown he was relaxing and eating some cheetos when all of a sudden this really cool kid named david schwartz walked by. David was about 5 10 with beautiful brown eyes and silky smooth black hair. He wore a cute baseball hat. The two started talking and soon they bacame bff's <3!
DAVID and his friend were going to have to stop megatromn and the rest of the evil robots from taking over the earth. With the help of will smith and jazz the had a fighting chance at beating the robots. They all decide to meet in wills sitcom house in bel air. While debating what they should do it hit david what they should do. "Ive got the perfect plan said david" It went somthing like this:
first, they would need to find jeff mace. although jeff mace couldn't be found earlier, will smith had some connections in bell air. you see, jeff mace was part of the 'hood in bell air, so all will smith had to do was contact their leader, paul carnahan...yes, the infamous paul carnahan with his ghetto "extra" hat. and so will smith and all went on a quest to find paul carnahan, who would lead them to jeff mace, who knew how to defeat the evil robots due to his great brain capacity.
"All you have to do to destroy Megatron is...KILL ME! MUAHAHA for i AM Megatron!" shouted mace/megatron. David dove to the left as plasma bolts melted the floor where he had stood 2 seconds before. Thus began a foot chase down the hall to the escape hatch, where R2D2 and C3PO were preparing to eject. David's hair was singed as a superhot projectile whizzed too close to his head. Suddenly Han Solo popped out of no where and shoved David into a side room. "What are you doing here HAAAAN?" inquired David.
It was then that the telephone rang with some upsetting news. News had just come in that Jeff Mace had been captured by Megatron and his life was in danger. Without his regular supply of Mountain Dew, life itself would slowly start to fade from him. Something had to be done quickly. The team called up their leader, Paul, and told him of the dilemma. "Not to worry," assured Paul. "Pack up some cases of Mountain Dew and come on over to my place." The team went to the store but the cashier told them a certain robot had taken every last can of Mountain Dew along with the recipe for Mountain Dew. The team looked at each other in despair. Surely Megatron was trying to foil their plan to rescue Jeff Mace.
and because they had no idea what else to do they decided to give up and go home and watch movies until they woke up from the bad dream :P
so after everyone suggested a movie and no one agreed, they were so tired that they fell asleep.
when they woke up they realized they they could no longer hope it was a bad dream. So they went back to the gas station and luckily it had been restocked with mountain dew. They bought it all and then proceded to paul's house where they waited for hours for someone to let them in. Finally they got in and paul didn't even seem concerned about the terrible situation! David said, "hmmmmm. this seems fishy." then he said "sorry pal," and knocked out paul, splitting open a recent wound on the back of his head revealing that paul had a metal plate in his head that was allowing him to be controlled by megatron!
It turned out that Paul had actually been shot in the head in vietnam, so they had to put the metal plate in, and Megatron had nothing to do with it at all. On their way out of paul's house, everyone but paul and david fell into a lethal trap that megatron had set, thus leaving david, paul and megatron as the only characters in the story. So paul and David split up to find help. ASAP, David Schwartz put on his extra extra tight jeans, cute hat and his silky dark fake hair and headed over to Gary Busey's house for some gingerbread men, and his wisdom. this is what Busey told David Schwartz...
"davey-loo, we've been very special friends for a very long time now. i feel that through your troubled times, it is by duty to pass on the same advice as jesus gave me as i hiked through the appalaichan mountains of india. he said 'gary, you may have a foot cramp and eating those berries was just plain stupid, but if i know anything, its that you can get through anything if you follow this advice: put your traytable up and your seatback in the full upright position, leave a message after the tone, and whereever you go, whatever you do always, always remember to lean like a cholo... i'm super serial.'"
So, as Paul and David went to go find help they started to realize that everyone was missing on earth! So, they got into their super powered car and drove back to Europa to find it abandoned as well. At this point Paul and David were about to give up knowing that Mace really was Megatron and that everyone else was missing. But, as they were walking back to their car David slipped and fell into a black abyss. Leaving Paul alone on Europa for about three seconds when 299 clones of David shot up through the hole. Paul seeing what happened thought that if he jumped into the hole the same thing would happen and he and david would have an army of 600! Which Paul thought would be enough to defeat Mace, so Paul jumped in. But, to his despise he disappeared and a giant B.J. Bennett the V shot out. Now a great army of 300 marched off with Giant B.J. leading them on to...
So, while everyone was messing aroung and concentrated on Megatron, O-2 was prepared for his dimentional slingshot. "thease 'humans' are even more incompetant then I thought. I was right to decide to destroy them" thought Megatron. "Fire O-2. Demon Meteor Strike!!!!" O-2 was fired thrugh the dimentional slingshot and within minuted the purpule demon reached earth. at speeds of hundreds of miles a second, it tightened it's fist and pouered all it's malice into one devestating strike.
BOOOM!!!!!!!
the living bullet collided with the earth, knocking it off it's course. O-2 incured only minor damege, but blew away about a fourth of the earth ans sent it hurteling towards the sun.
the earth will be uninhabitable in 8 days and brake apart in 15.
ok so mbergstrom woke up and realized no one was kidding at all, this was serious business. He also realized he was paul and david who were the only people left I think. So they get they're clones and think "o man we gotta 'solv' this intelligently.
They thought a lot and then paul was like o of course o-2 is like a robot or something, and there was something about jeff mace and football. David agrees.
They then use their clones to spell out their robot laws that will save the world. They have so may clones that when they stand in lines to make giant letters megatron will see it from space. Or o-2 I don’t even know. So they make the letters and they say:
for all planets earth e, e is gonna die because of a slingshot.
Then like marching band except less lame and more save the world they change to
There exits a planet earth e that is not gonna die because of a slingshot.
Megatron and o-2 see this and they’re like dude that was such an intelligent way to “solv” it. Oh well, I guess we’ll keep eating reluctantly.
So the davids and pauls are all like woo hoo, now what? so it turns out that paul is a girl and david and paul repopulate the earth because everyone died I think. Or whatever. And the new population has a new religion that worships gary busey and jeff mace because this blog is their bible and no one has any idea what happened but those names are in there so they picked those.
And suddenly they realize that both Jeff Mace and Gary Busey are raving lunatics who shouldn't be worshipped at all. This new epiphany spread through gossip and soon the entire world was aghast once they realized the horrible atrocities they had committed under supposed "supreme guidance" from Mace and Gary. The people ripped down their shrines to these two awful men and banned cake from earth forever. the end?
26 comments:
In the year 2042, on the planet Regel, which revolves around the star 18 Scorpii, robots were building a city that was hospitable to humans. Before humans could move to Regel, robots had to construct an air bubble. This was a new and exciting expedition, and the nearest humans were on the Jupiter's moon Europa. Humans and robots built a spaceship together, and then robots were sent off to 18 Scorpii to find a planet that humans would be able to live. They arrived on Regel, and started work. Every robot had a video camera attached to his shoulder so that every move he made could be watched.
Some of the robots resented the hard labor that they were forced to do, but they had to obey their orders, under the second law of robots. One of the robots, Azzan, was known for his poor work. He always obeyed his orders (he had to)but he always did the bare minimum. Other robots, such as Jarlath, were known for being laborious and true leaders.
Yet another robot, the devious Megatron, stood out for being recklessly power crazed. All of his thoughts were centered on one thing: how to control the others without the detection of humans or the violation of a law. For now, Megatron worked adequately while allowing all the gears in his super-human brain to churn over this dilemma.
Back on Earth, humans were receiving the first set of tapes from the robot cameras. Lead scientist on the mission to Regel, Dr. Osborn, was pleased with the overall progress of the robots. When Dr. Osborn received the tape from Robot 626, Azzan, his contentment quickly turned to concern.
Suddenly, something went terribly wrong. All of the robots turned evil. They turned the planet into a new Death Star, a giant circular space station with the power to blow up an entire planet. They also sent asteroids on collision courses with the Earth. The robots began creating new versions of themselves with no laws, to more efficiently kill the human race.
The evil robots then sent transmissions to Earth, only noticable by the robots inhabiting the planet, and made them all turn evil as well. Suddenly a ton of tornadoes appeared all over the surface of the planet, and everyone was sent to kansas. Then they all sat down for tea and crumpets.
At that time Dr.Osborm awoke from the dream. fumbeling around for his glasses he realised that it was a plausible scenario. None of the three laws prevented the robots from making robots that chould harm humans!
Next day at work,he went over the worh cameras again to make shure and discovered something frightening. the footage from Megatron's camera was the same! he checked it again and again and it was allways the same. Megatron and a few others were noware to be found on Regel. even after a therough search by the other robots.
Meanwile on Rigle:
Megatron walks thrugh a long underground corridor. A door opens at the end and he enters. There in a gigant room is a collosal robot. purple, armored and about a hundred times Megatron's size. There were also about 20 modified robots putting finishing tuches on it. "Hm. seems the illogic virus is working. theyre just like puppets to me" thought Megatron "This is for the good of humanity. The best thing for humanity is to be destroyed. and once the O-2, the demon is compleate, withought the first two laws of robotics, that's exactly wahat will happen."
P.S.:2 in japanese is "ni" and "oni"(o-2)is demon.
P.S.S.:Megatron figures: at this rate of incompetents the human race will be destroyed eventually and he's minimising the losses.
Amidst the dilemma, Greg Holguin, creator of the seemingly beneficial Regel sat deep in thought fixating, as he often did, on the whereabouts of his far superior master; Ben Budd. The phone rang.
"GREG!" burst the voice of none other than Ben himself.
"Why ... why yes sir," Greg responded obediently.
"Have you gone mad...!?!?"
"Why sir I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about."
"Well in case you have failed to notice... your 'ideal' planet has fallen into a state of chaos.."
"Why sir...I-"
"Never mind your pompous excuses for they will not save you now." Ben barked, the volume of his tone decreasing ever so slightly. "I'm afraid you have no choice but to travel to the third moon of Neceptus where you must consult Jeff Mace as to how these blood thirsty machines may be destroyed."
"I.... sir.. I was... completely... unaware... they can not simply be killed?" Greg stuttered.
"WHY NO!!! It is far more complicated than that!!! Their destruction lies within-"
However, Greg Holguin would never learn the key to the robots' demise, for at that very instant an oversized purple arm ripped the side wall from its base, bringing their phone call to an alarming end.
The over-sized purple arm belonged to Mr. Woelber. It was not a scary arm, however, and just waved to Greg and Jeff, before continuing on his travels throughout outer-space. Greg Budd and Jeff Mace continued on with their conversation while making strange noises to scare each other. Greg Budd and Jeff Mace finally came to a consensus and changed the name of planet Regel to Jacob & Baron Co.. They could no longer stand hearing the name Regel because it sounded like nails on a chalkboard to them.
Meanwhile, Megatron tried incessantly to break free from the restrains of his robotic-brainy mind thingy. So, Megatron not only obeyed the humans(due to the First Law) but watched them. Megatron was attempting to take over the human race and become the dictator of the planet Jacob and Baron Co..
(A quick correction on a couple of typos i noticed: first of all the character "Greg Budd" doesn't exist, and since Meg obviously killed off Greg Holguin then the fictitious character "Greg Budd" must be Ben Budd. Secondly, it wasn't a friendly arm because it killed GREG HOLGUIN and logically thinking the arm belongs to none other than O-2. And finally I will refer to Jacob and Baron Co. as Regel because that is what it's called and it's shorter and sounds less like a book store)
After some investigation Ben Budd found that Greg had not hug up on him, that he really was killed by a super robot called O-2. Once the gravity of the situation was understood he knew what had to be done... to call in Jeff Mace.
He quickly got on a space ship and headed over to the third moon of Neceptus (or do you mean Neptune?). Anyway, one he gets there he finds that Mr. Mace isn't there! He also finds that no one else is there either. He jumps into his land speeder and starts traveling around the moon in search of human life. Unfortunately there are only robots there... evil robots.
Meanwhile, Megatron was getting smarter by the second on the topic of human error. By watching the humans he could begin to see where the weaknesses were. He began to see when the ideal time to take over the planet of Regel.
Megatron also noticed the how many of the humans resorted to the same habits. Some of the people working on this project at Regel. just drank Mountain Dew constantly and began every sentence with, "What A Deal".
Megatron began to devise a plan to find a minion that would help him in his quest for becoming a dictator of Regel. While watching his fellow robots, Megatron decided on Azzan. "This is the perfect plan" he cackled in the silence.
Since Azzan was a spineless, lazy, slob, he was the perfect person for Megatron to use as his "sidekick", but he would be more like a slave. "AZZAN! Come fix the gamma radiation field surrounding O-2!" "But master, the field is strong enough to kill me! What if I accidentally step into the field?" "DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE TIME FOR YOUR INSUBORDINATION?!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!" "y y y yes m m m master!!! right away, Azzan, s sir!" He made it safely under the gamma field when he heard a loud bang, stumbled, and fell into the gamma field. As robots are intolerant to high gamma radiation, he promptly exploded. However, he wasn't the only shrapnel in the room. The loud deadly boom had come from the explosion of the entry door. And as the smoke cleared, two vague forms were visible: those of Jarlath and Jeff Mace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Metacom wasn't the only fiendish plotter on Regel. It turns out that Jeff Mace was unable to be found on the third moon of Neceptus was because he was constantly watching video feed from all over Regel in his room filled with big screen tvs. I'm talkin wall to wall! But now I'm getting off topic. Anyways, when he saw Greg Hogluin murdered by O-2, he promptly flew off to Regel and met up with Jarlath, the best and hardest-working of all the robots. They promptly created a fool proof plot to undo Metacom and O-2. The only person standing in their way was...Doctor Osbourn. Although he did create all the robots, he was also commisioned to created O-2, and with the receptor on the back of his neck no longer functioning, his six extra arms had no trouble building the most evil and deadly robot in the universe.
Just then Mr. Woelber, a gym teacher at a robot school, awoke to the most horrific sight he had ever seen. It seemed like a few of the robots had begun to play football.
"HEY! ROBOTS!! You cannot play football."
The year was 2101, and war was beginning. Suddenly, the robot school shook, and Mr. Woebler shouted: "MAIN SCREEN TURN ON!"
Mace, from another dimension, along with the deceased Greg Houlguin and Ben Budd, and a bunch of crazy robots named Azzan and Megatron appeared out of a huge death star, and parked right on the robot's makeshift football field. They deboared the death star, and stepped onto the playground where Mr. Woelber spent most of his days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all playing some robo-football outside of the school
When the couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin makin trouble in his neighborhood
he got in one lil fight and his mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air'
So he put his walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
he whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror, if anything you could say that this cab was rare but he thought "naw forget it, yo homes to bel air!"
he pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!"
he looked at his kingdom he was finally there
he sat on his throne as the prince of bel air
while sitting in his thrown he was relaxing and eating some cheetos when all of a sudden this really cool kid named david schwartz walked by. David was about 5 10 with beautiful brown eyes and silky smooth black hair. He wore a cute baseball hat. The two started talking and soon they bacame bff's <3!
DAVID and his friend were going to have to stop megatromn and the rest of the evil robots from taking over the earth. With the help of will smith and jazz the had a fighting chance at beating the robots. They all decide to meet in wills sitcom house in bel air. While debating what they should do it hit david what they should do. "Ive got the perfect plan said david" It went somthing like this:
first, they would need to find jeff mace. although jeff mace couldn't be found earlier, will smith had some connections in bell air. you see, jeff mace was part of the 'hood in bell air, so all will smith had to do was contact their leader, paul carnahan...yes, the infamous paul carnahan with his ghetto "extra" hat.
and so will smith and all went on a quest to find paul carnahan, who would lead them to jeff mace, who knew how to defeat the evil robots due to his great brain capacity.
"All you have to do to destroy Megatron is...KILL ME! MUAHAHA for i AM Megatron!" shouted mace/megatron. David dove to the left as plasma bolts melted the floor where he had stood 2 seconds before. Thus began a foot chase down the hall to the escape hatch, where R2D2 and C3PO were preparing to eject. David's hair was singed as a superhot projectile whizzed too close to his head. Suddenly Han Solo popped out of no where and shoved David into a side room.
"What are you doing here HAAAAN?" inquired David.
It was then that the telephone rang with some upsetting news. News had just come in that Jeff Mace had been captured by Megatron and his life was in danger. Without his regular supply of Mountain Dew, life itself would slowly start to fade from him. Something had to be done quickly.
The team called up their leader, Paul, and told him of the dilemma.
"Not to worry," assured Paul. "Pack up some cases of Mountain Dew and come on over to my place."
The team went to the store but the cashier told them a certain robot had taken every last can of Mountain Dew along with the recipe for Mountain Dew.
The team looked at each other in despair. Surely Megatron was trying to foil their plan to rescue Jeff Mace.
and because they had no idea what else to do they decided to give up and go home and watch movies until they woke up from the bad dream :P
so after everyone suggested a movie and no one agreed, they were so tired that they fell asleep.
when they woke up they realized they they could no longer hope it was a bad dream. So they went back to the gas station and luckily it had been restocked with mountain dew. They bought it all and then proceded to paul's house where they waited for hours for someone to let them in.
Finally they got in and paul didn't even seem concerned about the terrible situation!
David said, "hmmmmm. this seems fishy." then he said "sorry pal," and knocked out paul, splitting open a recent wound on the back of his head revealing that paul had a metal plate in his head that was allowing him to be controlled by megatron!
It turned out that Paul had actually been shot in the head in vietnam, so they had to put the metal plate in, and Megatron had nothing to do with it at all.
On their way out of paul's house, everyone but paul and david fell into a lethal trap that megatron had set, thus leaving david, paul and megatron as the only characters in the story. So paul and David split up to find help.
ASAP, David Schwartz put on his extra extra tight jeans, cute hat and his silky dark fake hair and headed over to Gary Busey's house for some gingerbread men, and his wisdom. this is what Busey told David Schwartz...
"davey-loo, we've been very special friends for a very long time now. i feel that through your troubled times, it is by duty to pass on the same advice as jesus gave me as i hiked through the appalaichan mountains of india. he said 'gary, you may have a foot cramp and eating those berries was just plain stupid, but if i know anything, its that you can get through anything if you follow this advice: put your traytable up and your seatback in the full upright position, leave a message after the tone, and whereever you go, whatever you do always, always remember to lean like a cholo... i'm super serial.'"
So, as Paul and David went to go find help they started to realize that everyone was missing on earth! So, they got into their super powered car and drove back to Europa to find it abandoned as well. At this point Paul and David were about to give up knowing that Mace really was Megatron and that everyone else was missing. But, as they were walking back to their car David slipped and fell into a black abyss. Leaving Paul alone on Europa for about three seconds when 299 clones of David shot up through the hole. Paul seeing what happened thought that if he jumped into the hole the same thing would happen and he and david would have an army of 600! Which Paul thought would be enough to defeat Mace, so Paul jumped in. But, to his despise he disappeared and a giant B.J. Bennett the V shot out. Now a great army of 300 marched off with Giant B.J. leading them on to...
then the robot's boss said it had to go eat. even though to robot wasn't hungry it had to because of the robot law, so it went and ate reluctantly.
So, while everyone was messing aroung and concentrated on Megatron, O-2 was prepared for his dimentional slingshot.
"thease 'humans' are even more incompetant then I thought. I was right to decide to destroy them" thought Megatron. "Fire O-2.
Demon Meteor Strike!!!!"
O-2 was fired thrugh the dimentional slingshot and within minuted the purpule demon reached earth. at speeds of hundreds of miles a second, it tightened it's fist and pouered all it's malice into one devestating strike.
BOOOM!!!!!!!
the living bullet collided with the earth, knocking it off it's course. O-2 incured only minor damege, but blew away about a fourth of the earth ans sent it hurteling towards the sun.
the earth will be uninhabitable in 8 days and brake apart in 15.
PS:please solv this dillema intelligently.
Just kidding...
The earth is just fine, no O-2 shot was fired. Megatron decided to sit back, relax, and obey humans.
ok so mbergstrom woke up and realized no one was kidding at all, this was serious business. He also realized he was paul and david who were the only people left I think. So they get they're clones and think "o man we gotta 'solv' this intelligently.
They thought a lot and then paul was like o of course o-2 is like a robot or something, and there was something about jeff mace and football. David agrees.
They then use their clones to spell out their robot laws that will save the world. They have so may clones that when they stand in lines to make giant letters megatron will see it from space. Or o-2 I don’t even know. So they make the letters and they say:
for all planets earth e, e is gonna die because of a slingshot.
Then like marching band except less lame and more save the world they change to
There exits a planet earth e that is not gonna die because of a slingshot.
Megatron and o-2 see this and they’re like dude that was such an intelligent way to “solv” it. Oh well, I guess we’ll keep eating reluctantly.
So the davids and pauls are all like woo hoo, now what? so it turns out that paul is a girl and david and paul repopulate the earth because everyone died I think. Or whatever. And the new population has a new religion that worships gary busey and jeff mace because this blog is their bible and no one has any idea what happened but those names are in there so they picked those.
And they build big churches and statues and
And suddenly they realize that both Jeff Mace and Gary Busey are raving lunatics who shouldn't be worshipped at all. This new epiphany spread through gossip and soon the entire world was aghast once they realized the horrible atrocities they had committed under supposed "supreme guidance" from Mace and Gary.
The people ripped down their shrines to these two awful men and banned cake from earth forever. the end?
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